Thursday, March 22, 2007

Nickname Contest #3 / Gameday Preview: Caps vs. Canes

I’m so proud. Really. You all rose to the challenge and made up for the Jeff Schultz debacle with some great there’s only one thing to do. I’m proud to present the first (and probably last) AVFTCS Awards!

Most Popular Nickname:
Ben "Clymer? I Don't Even Know 'er!" (at least 7 by my count)

Second Most Popular Nickname:
Ben “I’d Rather Be Golfing” Clymer
(and other variations)

Best Use of an
Anagram Program:
Biff - Ben "Reel My NBC" Clymer

Most Optimistic Nickname:
Joel - Ben “I'll Be Better Next Year” Clymer

Best Nickname from Someone Who Hates Nicknames:
Biff - Ben “The Messenger” Clymer
[Two awards...does this keep me off
the Whipping Post©?]

Best Groin-Related Joke...and Best Blatant Disregard for the Rule of No Groin-Related Jokes:
Shelby - Ben "At Least I Can't Have Any -17 Children" Clymer

Best (Worst?) Pun:
My father - Ben “Sisyphus” Clymer
Why, you ask? Because he’s “Ben Clymer” up and down that mountain his whole life (drum fill)

...these are the genes I’m working with, folks. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

But in the end there could be only one winner.


Beth - Ben “Contagious” Clymer

Ah, memories. We all of course remember that lovely gut-wrenching disease (literally) that was unleashed by Clymes on his unsuspecting teammates after the holidays. Extra special bonus points to Benny for then passing this superfun bug on to the Habs as well, on which I choose to blame their rapid fall from the standings ladder.

It wins because if ever there was a perfect symbol for Ben’s disastrous’s gotta be an illness that keeps you in, on and around the toilet.

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

But on to the real fun: our final game against the Stanley Cup Champs (and possible history makers), the Carolina Hurricanes.

So why are they possible history makers? Well, the Oilers are out of the postseason. It's not the first time a finalist has missed the playoffs the next year – it actually happens quite a bit. BUT if the Canes should also fail to make the postseason, it would be the first time in NHL history that both finalists from the previous year missed the cut. That’s a dubious distinction if ever I heard one...and since my Habs are battling with Carolina for that final spot, I say bring on the history!

Meh. We’ll see which team shows up, right?

Just an aside, but I’ve pinpointed the #1 reason the Caps have to get better next year. It’s very simple. I’m so, so, SO tired of reading this kind of quote (courtesy of the
'Canes site): "If somebody can show me an easy game on the schedule, let me highlight it so I can take a breath and the players can take a breath," said Laviolette. "But the bottom line is, there aren't any. You've got to be ready to play no matter who it is."

Or this: "I think when you see a team that's out of the playoffs and trying to play a spoiler, they can take more chances," said Cory Stillman.

Doesn’t it feel like we’ve been hearing that kind of underhanded compliment forever? I want to hear our coach saying “no game is easy”. I want to hear our team saying things like “we can’t look past this team” or “they have nothing to lose and that makes them dangerous”. It’s coming soon, I can feel it – and I can’t wait.

[Wow, am I out of practice! These were harder than usual...]
Possible Lineup for the Caps
8-Alex “Spend, Teddy, Spend!” Ovechkin, 13-Jiri “Not Ready for Primetime” Novotny, 39-Alexandre “Rooster” Giroux
43-Tomas “Flash...of Brilliance” Fleischmann, 24-Kris “Miss” Beech, 28-Alexander “Backcheck? ME?” Semin
21-Brooks “Lovin’” Laich, 15-Boyd “Flash” Gordon, 17-Chris “Checking Line” Clark
87-Donald “Hot (and Bruised) Hands” Brashear, 10-Matt “Benchwarmer” Bradley, 27-Ben “Contagious” Clymer

23-Milan “The Beast” Jurcina, 26-Shaone “With a Rebel Yell, Mo’ Mo’ Mo’” Morrisonn
2-Brian “Turnover” Pothier, 55-Jeff “Peanut” Schultz
44-Steve “Zubie Is Mean” Eminger, 52-Mike “Send Me Back to Hershey” Green

1-Brent “Always a Backup, Never a Bride” Johnson, 37-Olie “Raycroft” Kolzig

Possible Lineup for the Canes
13-Ray “Former Oilers Stick Boy” Whitney, 17-Rod “Beauty Queen” Brind’amour, 11-Justin “Case” Williams
61-Cory “The Next Tim Taylor” Stillman, 12-Eric “Pillow Fight!” Staal, 26-Erik “Old King” Cole
16-Andrew “Cheryl” Ladd, 59-Chad “The War of” LaRose, 24-Scott “Johnny” Walker
77-Anson “Journeyman Defined” Carter, 63-Josef Vasicek, 27-Craig “Gomez” Adams

2-Glen “the Human Bruise” Wesley, 22-Mike “Bathrobe Boy” Commodore
7-Niclas “Off the” Wallin, 8-Tim “Knee-Boy” Gleason
5- Frantisek “Taxi” Kaberle, 45-David Tanabe “Knees”

30-Cam “Beanpole” Ward (day-to-day with a leg boo-boo), 47-John Grahame “Cracker”, 50-Craig “Stanley” Kowalski

Honestly, nothing would make me happier right now than the ultimate spoiler performance by the Caps. A loss by the Canes and a win by the Habs, and suddenly that three team pileup around 8th place becomes a whole different race. GO CAPS!


Victor said...

And I thought my submission of Ben "guinea pig" Clymer would win either the "WTF?" or the "Why I Don't Have More Nickname Contests" award.

Shelby said...

Let's hope for the upset tonight. I'll only catch the last period or so because my team has a party tonight. They better do well while I'm gone.

Last night, I couldn't bear to put on my Caps jersey and have to see the name on the back.

Good job on the nicknames! I have to say, I'm especially fond of Eminger's. Hee. And thanks for the mention! What can I say? I'm a rebel.

WFY said...

His "official" nickname (according to the jumbotron) is Slimer.

Beth said...

OMG...I won!!!

WhooHoo. Thanks.

CapsChick said...

Victor: See, I was trying to be nice...but okay, I hereby present you with the WTF Award for "guinea pig"! Congrats!

Shelby: An upset would be FANTASTIC, especially after the way the Caps were manhandled last time out against the Canes. Um, but skipping most of a game for a social life? Bad little Caps fan!

Your nickname had to be mentioned, it made me giggle - although I'm shocked you were the only one who broke my little, er, "no-groins" rule! :)

WFY: I'm going for "unofficial" here - dare to be different. Plus when I hear 'slimer' I just think of that green thing from Ghostbusters. Ick.

Beth: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE But good job anyways!

hockeygirl said...


Wow. You're mean. No prize? WTF? I'm glad I didn't submit one officially now.

Shelby said...

I was the only one that broke it? Suprising!

Come on, it was a hockey related event. Plus, I slipped out for a minute to check the score in the proshop during and after the party. I'm still in the clear. =]

Victor said...

My life is complete.

CapsChick said...

HG: Well, she did get to be "famous" for a minute by having her nickname appear in my "uber-famous" gameday preview! But in case anyone else was confusing me for being a mean person it's simply because I'm broke. If I had money...and time...and energy...there would be a hulking big prize coming to Beth, with tiny ones to my other award-winners. Bet you're sorry you didn't, ahem, officially enter!

Shelby: I GUESS you're forgiven. Just this once, though. Don't let it happen again!