Monday, November 05, 2007

Gameday Preview: Caps vs. Hurricanes

Today's gameday preview is brought to you by the fine folks at FEMA. Because in this time of semi-crisis here in DC, you need to turn to people who are good at handling emergencies...or at least pretend to be.

What to do during a Hurricane:

  • Listen to the radio or TV for information. Tune in to Comcast Sportsnet or 3WT radio for the game and always entertaining (if not always pertinent) commentary by Joe B., Locker, and Steve Kolbe.
  • Secure your home, close storm shutters, and secure outdoor objects or bring them indoors. You know, in case your neighbors are Caniacs and decide to go on a victory march through the neighborhood.
  • Turn off utilities if instructed to do so. Otherwise, turn the refrigerator thermostat to its coldest setting and keep its doors closed. Because if you can't be in the arena with our boys, at least make your house as cold as one.
  • Turn off propane tanks. Avoid using the phone, except for serious emergencies. For example, if Donald Brashear is out with the power play unit. Again. Or Matt Pettinger tries to fight. Again.
  • Ensure a supply of water for sanitary purposes such as cleaning and flushing toilets. Fill the bathtub and other large containers with water. And liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.
  • You should evacuate under the following conditions:

    • If you are directed by local authorities to do so. Be sure to follow their instructions. But since this is DC, be sure to get it in writing, run it through the ten proper committees and attach a rider first.
    • If you live in a mobile home or temporary structure—such shelters are particularly hazardous during hurricanes no matter how well fastened to the ground. So all of you camping out at Verizon Center, hoping to be first in line for playoff tickets, go home. For many reasons.
    • If you live in a high-rise building—hurricane winds are stronger at higher elevations. You can ignore that one. Being in the league's basement makes that a moot point.
    • If you live on the coast, on a floodplain, near a river, or on an inland waterway. Does the stuff in the Potomac still count as water?
    • If you feel you are in danger. Sure signs of danger: the Caps allow a power play goal. The Caps blow a lead. Tomas Fleischmann has the puck.

  • If you are unable to evacuate, go to your safe room. If you do not have one, follow these guidelines:

    • Stay indoors during the hurricane and away from windows and glass doors. Broken shards of glass do have a way of bursting your bubble, so to speak.
    • Keep curtains and blinds closed. Seeing the reality of the outside world can be a downer...and so can seeing the reality of the standings.
    • Do not be fooled if there is a lull; it could be the eye of the storm - winds will pick up again. In other words, don't celebrate just because the Caps take a lead in the first period.
    • Take refuge in a small interior room, closet, or hallway on the lowest level. That is if you're not already huddled in the corner of a dark room as it is.
    • Lie on the floor under a table or another sturdy object. With a blankie. And the aforementioned liquor.

In all seriousness things really aren't as bad as they look. I think a weekend of reflection was what we all needed to remember that a) it's still very early in the season; b) the Caps have played fairly well under the circumstances and despite their losses and c) eventually the ship will right itself to some degree. Whether that is by virtue of the walking wounded returning or a more drastic change remains to be seen, but you have to think that at some point this team will snap out of whatever this is. There is too much talent and potential not to.

The Caps do need to bring their best stuff tonight, though, as Carolina has rocketed to the top of the East behind only powerhouse Ottawa. I think they've bounced back just fine from that loss the Caps handed them at the beginning of the season, don't you?

There's nothing the Caps need to do that they don't already know - everyone to a man has to be defensively responsible but also needs to be willing to shoot the puck. Special teams have to be special, and not in a "stop eating the paste" kind of way. And goaltending has to be sharp. The injuries are an obstacle, to be sure. But if the right team shows up tonight they can beat the Canes. If the wrong one shows up...

...um...

...excuse me, I'm just going to go buy some bottled water.

4 comments:

Kaat said...

That was a ridiculously clever post.

kristen said...

Haha! I've got to agree with kaat. This has been one of my favorite posts of yours. And I think it's important that we keep our collective sense of humor at this time.
And liquor. Lots of liquor....

Chris & Sarah said...

Plastic sheeting and duct tape!!!

What do I do with the plastic sheeting and duct tape????

And shold I stock up on TP???? Buy a snow shovel????

HELP ME!!!!!

magnolia_mer said...

Excellent post!