Monday, September 24, 2007

Oh, Touché

Before I head out to Kettler for practice, let's play a rousing round of our new favorite game - I call it "Pick on hockey because it's easy and fun (and Kornheiser the Evil Genius is too busy watching 300 pound morons running into other 300 pound morons on Mondays to bother with his old pasttime)"!

Today's contestant: local snarky columnist Norman Chad, who takes the NHL to task for, well...starting.

How dare they. Bastards.

People around here may be getting excited about the start of a new season, so naturally here comes our good friends at the Post to smack us all back down to earth. Hockey? What an absurd sport! Certainly not silly like putting an inflated orange ball into a hoop while handing out penalties for something called "traveling". Or like throwing a Stewie-shaped ball from one overweight player to another, where penalties are called by tossing a little yellow flag daintily onto the grass. Or like whacking at a ball with a club and then running like hell...for 10 seconds.

Yup, hockey is crazy. Why would anyone watch this stupid sport? And look, ha ha ha, now they're starting in London this year. And they're playing an outdoor game, who the hell would go see that? Hockey in Atlanta??? Who cares!

Never mind the fact that the London series between, of all teams, the Ducks and the Kings, has sold out in merry old England. Forget the fact that tickets to the so-called "Ice Bowl" (which I'll leave alone for today because there's enough snark on the internet already) sold out in less than an hour. And let's not talk about how Atlanta has suddenly been reminded they have hockey by making the postseason for the first time in franchise history, early embarrassing sweep or no.

Of course, thanks to the wonder of the internet, you're treated to Norman Chad's obnoxious "I was too tired to think of anything real to write so I closed my eyes and wrote this crap" column while seeing a sparkling new ad for the Capitals' new Six Pack ticket plans.

I love technology.


Elly said...

Oh wow. I'm sorry, but how did this man get a job writing for a national newspaper?

I don't know about anyone else, but the thought that July and August would be only months without hockey made me happy.

Anonymous said...

The first thing that I thought? "What a cock-sucking douche."

Then I attempted to figure out what "England ever did to us." I can sum it up in two words.


(but really, for that aural pain we give them the hockey? There's still something wrong with this...)

Shmee said...

Dude needs to get a hobby.

Victor said...

The moron forgot the NFL announced an NFL game in London quite awhile ago. It'll be played next month, between the Giants and the Dolphins.

Chris & Sarah said...

Not that I am defending the dufus, but he does make two good points, albeit in a backhanded, unintentional sorta way.

First, the great television coverage deal the league has with NBC and it's easily accessible affiliate VERSUS.

And secondly, the choice of teams to play in that European hotbed of hockey called London. Really, Anaheim and LA? Anaheim maybe, by couldn't they have come up with a better selection to improve on the marketing? Why not choose Ottawa, as a replay Stanley Cup Finals? Would appeal to but US and Canadian Audiences, as well as the Europeans. Or a couple of Original 6 teams? Or, heaven forbid, a Caps / Pens match-up with the two marquee players that Buttman seems to want to play up.

Not a sermon, just a thought.

Murshawursha said...

Just a shot in the dark here, but without doing any actual research I'd put hockey as probably the second most popular international sport, behind soccer. Cause, you know, the NFL has such a huge international following.

What an @$$hole.