The Last Pink Rant (For Now...)

In honor of my 500th post and on the heels of a brief rantlet about pink hockey shirts, I thought it would be fun to go on a little tour of the league to seek out those truly horrific things for which they expect smart women to pay money. Because the problem here isn't necessarily the pink or sparkles (both of which, in the right place, aka not a hockey arena, are fine, I guess) - it's when the NHL insists on underestimating not only the number of true hockey fans who are women but women's intelligence in general. Selling pink crap to the so-called "fairer sex" is one thing; shamelessly talking down to them is another. Observe:

First up we have a pink tee with every woman's fantasy - a glitter logo on the chest. That's bad enough, but then there's the marketing language: "Look cute while rooting for your favorite team..." Yeah, because that's my goal when screaming and yelling, jumping up and down while surrounded by beer-bellied, mulleted hockey fans. Looking cute.

Incidentally the picture is an Anaheim shirt but this one popped up in many team's baskets. It's called the "Sugar Logo" t-shirt. Indeed.

And then there's this beauty courtesy of the Sabres. Oh, good, I was hoping for a shirt that combines pink, hearts, and the hideous Buffaslug. And once again we get the 'c' word: "You will look cute rooting for the Buffalo Sabres..." Vomit. Also available in Red Wings pink, Devils pink, Rangers pink, Penguins pink, and Sharks pink. Next?

Excellent - a hat, complete with the assurance that it "proudly displays the embroidered pink and white team logo on the front." Proudly? Not the word I would use there...as for the pink and white team logo, last time I checked Stan Mikita wasn't wearing pink on his jersey. I could be wrong about that, though.

Now here's an interesting piece, despite the logo actually being in the correct colors. Ignore for a moment the emaciated model wearing this latest piece of crap, which is an issue for another day (and probably a different blog). My favorite part is how they try and sell it: "You will be cool and comfortable wearing this officially licensed Minnesota Wild Spaghetti Strap tank top..." Because I hear in Minnesota in the wintertime, it's really hard to stay cool. Especially in an ice arena.

Philly came up with an interesting way for women to shout "I love my team!" by rolling out these sparkly accessories for the well-heeled woman. Quote NHL.com, "[s]porting these Philadelphia Flyers Rhinestone Flip Flops...will show everyone you're a loyal fan." Or something.


Okay, I know this isn't pink...it's just ugly. I am impressed that they managed to do the impossible and make an already hideous logo look worse.

Moving on...

Ah, the rhinestone-covered travesty. Most teams had this one, and I'll give them credit - at least they use the actual colors. In fact, if you pick off the all bedazzling these shirts are pretty cute. But until I see Markus Naslund sporting rhinestones on his jersey, these have got to go.


And of course, the beast that started it all:

So who got it right? Every team had the requisite tiny tees in team colors and the hideous jewelry, but there were a few things that worked. One in particular was a long-sleeved shirt cut for women in *gasp* the team colors. Of course, only 5 teams even offer this - Atlanta, Colorado, Montreal, Phoenix and Chicago. Fascinating.

Oh, and if you're looking for a female jersey, keep looking...I found one and it was a St. Louis Blues jersey, marked down because naturally it's the old style jersey and no longer "official".

I applaud the NHL for at least attempting to market to women, I really do. But maybe they should try getting some female fans, women who actually buy tickets to and watch games, into a focus group. Show them something with pink hearts on it. Show them your rhinestone-encrusted and glitter-covered shirts. Show them the *shudder* butterfly sweatshirt. And then, and here's the tricky part...listen to what they say.

Or what about this - send all the players into the streets wearing nothing but these and see how many women start going to games...just a thought. Ladies, you with me?

I guess I'll end my rant with a question to all you hockey fans out there, male or female: when you see someone wearing a pink, sparkly shirt, do you think "serious hockey fan"...or someone you're going to need to explain the meaning of tripping to?

I know what my answer is.