Thursday, May 24, 2007

400 and Counting

The 400th post. Wow. Only my close friends and family knew I could talk about nothing 400 times straight, and now you all do too. So in recognition of this momentous occasion I figured I should talk about something important and relevant.

The Hershey Bears coming within one win of the Calder Cup Finals? The Stanley Cup Finals between the Ottawa Senators and Anaheim Ducks? Brian Leetch's retirement?

Nope.

What about...the top ten reasons I hate Sidney Crosby? Yes!

Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Besides, with the Pens long gone from the playoffs I haven't gotten to pick on them for a while and frankly I'm getting a little restless waiting for preseason to roll around.
h/t to Amanda for the idea

#10 The lips - Oh, the lips. Where to begin. I don't know if he's plastering on the lipstick or if he just enjoys a nice cherry kool-aid before every game, but those things are not natural. Let's just say I know Hollywood actresses who would pay thousands of bucks for that collagen-enhanced look...

#9 Secondary assists - It's all well and good to pick up 120 points and win the scoring trophy at 19, blah blah blah...when 99% of them are secondary assists, is it really such a great achievement? (Okay, so maybe it's not 99%, I didn't really do the math.)

#8 Whining - Every call is wrong, every hit a penalty. At least if you follow the gospel according to Sidney. The good thing is, he lets us know when he's unhappy. Really, Sid? You disagree? No kidding.

#7 The hype - Unless you've been living under a rock for the last two years, you know that Crosby was the #1 pick in 2005 and has been pegged as the next Wayne Gretzky since Gretzky was playing in LA. That's worthy of some attention, sure, but we have a stellar superstar of our own here in the District who gets overlooked because of it.

#6 He's a Penguin - Come on. He's a PENGUIN. Ugh.

# 5 Inability to grow facial hair - It's a time-honored tradition for hockey players to grow a playoff beard, so there's something annoying in seeing that face smooth as a baby's butt during the Penguins' brief postseason excursion. I guess it's not his fault - once he hits puberty that peach fuzz will really start to come in...

#4 Living situation - Am I the only one who finds it weird that this 19-year-old (almost 20-year-old) millionaire still lives with Mario Lemieux? Cut the apron strings, Sid, time to spring for that bachelor pad. Put it this way - entertaining that special someone can't be easy with Mario's little rugrats running around...

#3 Diving - Sure, he cut back on it this year but I'm not ready to remove the Canadian Diving Team moniker from his name just yet.

#2 Too polished - Part of the problem with being bred for greatness is that everything that comes out of your mouth is so practiced, so polished, so rehearsed that it's downright snoozetastic. He's like a robot - no improvs, no goofy quotes, no jokes, no 'Ovechkinisms'

...which brings us to #1...

#1 He’s not Alex Ovechkin - Please. Need I say more?

13 comments:

Shelby said...

Thank you for making my evening ten times better. Ragging on Crosby may seem like old news by now, but if it's good news, it's worth repeating!

Oh, and are you going to the draft day party? I have my tickets and it should be a fun time.

Bethany said...

Have I talked you you're my hero today? LOVE IT SISTA!!

Victor said...

THANK YOU!!! I was trying to realize what was wrong with his face, and you're right: It's the lips. Man, he's got some girly-girly lips!

(The only problem with this post is you'll have to top it on your 500th, and you've set the bar waaaay high.)

Heather B. said...

I would definitely like for him to come across as a little less polished. That's one thing Ovechkin absolutely has over him and hopefully always will. I'll die when Ovie gives a flat, boring answer to a question from a reporter.

Biff said...

To be fair, the Pens were bounced from the playoffs so fast, pretty much everyone on the team still had the baby-smooth look going on.

Wow. That felt good. Any time is a good time for Penguins hate.

The Peerless said...

Now...imagine what next year's early season headlines will be like...

-- Pittsburgh Installed as Early Cup Favorite!

-- The greatest athletes of the last century...Montana, Jordan, Woods, and Crosby

-- Can Crosby Reach 200?

-- Update on "The Arena that Sid Built"

-- Penguin Merchandise Sets Record for Sales, Crosby Leads Way

-- It's Sid's World, and We're All Just Visiting

-- Alex Who?

CapsChick said...

Hey, do I know my audience or what? I'm surprised I haven't gotten any incensed Penguins fans commenting yet...give it time, I guess. If you build it, they will come.

Hockey Amor said...

Congrats and keep it up!

Tyler said...

It's OK for you to be jealous of Sid. We understand...

CapsChick said...

Tyler: Uh, did you see #1? I have nothing to be jealous of, my friend. We've got the real thing right here. :)

Britannia said...

Screw you, you %#@%#@*%#)#@)!! caps fan :-)

(Seriously, I called Crosby "The Tool" for about two months before I started to barely tolerate him. My dislike was really based more on the fact that he hogs the camera for the rest of the Pens, though. I mean really, let Staal or Armstrong talk once in a while. They're the ones who will give you the sound bites.)

Tyler said...

I would take Sid any day over AO.

Anonymous said...

you must really like his lips tyler